Where the Griffins Should Go to College

We think it’s about time the characters on “Family Guy” pursue a little higher education, don’t you?

By Sydney Nikols | February 17, 2017

The Griffins may not be perfect, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love them for their various quirks. We’d like to see these quirks come to life in a college atmosphere, so we’ve chosen six schools that would be perfect for Peter, Lois, Meg, Chris, Brian and Stewie (provided babies and dogs are allowed to gain admission, of course).

These schools that would be perfect for Griffin family -- provided babies and dogs are allowed to gain admission.

1. Fashion Institute of Technology

Character: Peter
Major: Toy Design

Peter works at the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory in Quahog (which comes as no surprise since he’s more than a little bit childish). We think he’d love Fashion Institute of Technology’s program in toy design, which teaches students how to make toys for kids of all ages. Plus, the school’s New York City location means that nearby bars are open until four in the morning, a serious bonus for a heavy drinker like Peter. We’re not sure there’s a Manhattan bar identical to “The Drunken Clam,” but we’re sure Peter could still find a regular haunt.

2. University of Southern California

Character: Chris
Major: Film

Chris may not be the brightest high school student on the planet, but his knowledge about movies is surprisingly vast. Since he loves talking about films (and since his skills in other areas are seriously lacking), we’d love to see him make movies at University of Southern California, whose prestigious film program was recently named the best in the country by The Hollywood Reporter. Chris, who’s lived in Rhode Island his whole life, probably wouldn’t mind escaping that rough New England weather, either.

3. Chapman University

Character: Lois
Major: Television and Broadcast Journalism

In the episode “FOX-y Lady,” stay-at-home mom Lois entertains a brief stint as a Fox News reporter. We’d love to see her take on Chapman University’s program in Television and Broadcast Journalism, which prepares students for careers in on-camera reporting. We also don’t think she’d mind being a mere 45-minute drive from Chris at USC (though her thick New York accent may stick out in Southern California).

4. Smith College

Character: Meg
Major: Women and Gender Studies

Meg’s family and classmates relentlessly and unfairly tease her for her plain looks and inability to attract boys. We think Meg could find some solace at an all women’s school like Smith College, which has an excellent program in Women and Gender Studies. We’d love to see Meg use her negative experiences as fodder for becoming a strong feminist.

5. Bard College

Character: Brian
Major: Creative Writing

Brian, a struggling fiction writer with a strong affection for marijuana, would love Bard College for its esteemed Arts program (it was named one of the best in the country by College Xpress) and its liberal attitude when it comes to weed (it ranked on Princeton Review’s list of colleges where reefer madness runs rampant). We just hope the school allows dogs to live in the dorms.

6. United States Military Academy at West Point

Character: Stewie Griffin
Major: Weapons and Systems Engineering

In the first few seasons of “Family Guy,” Stewie is portrayed as an evil baby preoccupied with building and using weapons. He would certainly have a leg up in the United States Military Academy at West Point’s Weapons and System Engineering program, which teaches students how to create military weapons. We just hope the school has a toddler-sized military uniform on hand for little Stewie.

We’d love for “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane to incorporate some of these suggestions into future episodes. Hey, we’re allowed to dream…

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